There is a difference between “dry heat” and “humid heat.” Grant cannot do humid heat. In Puerto Vallarta, it’s hot and humid. So it was funny to see the role reversal play out with Grant walking outside and instantly become drenched in sweat. He didn’t know how good he had it in San Diego even during a heatwave.
A few months back we purchased a flight from Tijuana to Puerto Vallarta non-stop for $69 round trip each. We were pleased with our purchase and even more excited to get out of the US for a bit. All the COVID happenings, political turmoil, drama at work, and San Diego’s non-stop summer seem to make this trip a welcome distraction.
We paid a small fee to park at the border walked through the Cross Border Express bridge that takes you directly into the Tijuana airport terminal. Shortly after we hopped on the plane and got to PV in no time at all. As soon as we got off the plane it hit us— the heat. We were glistening so bad I was afraid the light bouncing off our foreheads would be distracting to the planes coming in. Having been to Mexico quite a few times we knew the airport was going to be a zoo. To circumvent it from being too bad I researched getting a private car to pick us up from the airport. However, I quickly found this was the worst thing you could do. It was a $129 round trip to go less than 15 miles down the road if you took this route. The travel blogs tell you to cross the connecting bridge (less than a 5-minute walk) and there you can connect with Uber for $4 total after tip. The problem was that we went in the wrong direction. After our own five minute walk we made our way to a random airport hotel then connected with a taxi for $10.
Most locals are used to the heat so this wasn’t anything new to them. To us we were dying sitting in the back of a car, windows down panting like dogs. When we got to our hotel the security guards had a few questions before they let us in. After those customary questions were out of the way they took our temperature. They read the driver fine. They took Grant’s temperature...to hot...moved to a different part of the arm— fine. Then they got to me. Head, arm, another part of my arm...I was just too hot. The guards were checking the temperatures of themselves and fine. They eventually just asked if I was having any negative symptoms and let me in. After getting inside in the AC—I was rechecked and didn’t have a problem afterward at each checkpoint.
We stayed at the Now Amber, which is Secrets but kids are allowed. Grant secured us a hotel room with a pool swim-up so we could just open our door and hop in. It was 2:45 and check-in was 3 pm. Our room was mysteriously not ready, but the VIP service attendant was right there to sell us tours and anything else we could need. After being given coupons, letting her know we had booked tours, and our VIP attendant out of up-sell opportunities—our room became ready.
Grant and I grabbed a quick bite to eat at the hotel buffet. He wanted to go swimming and I wanted to go walking around. So we split up and I went towards downtown. Grant was happy as can be just lounging in the cool pool. Like a little kid in a kiddy pool. I was happy as I could be wandering around aimlessly looking at the building, shops, and trying not to get lost. Eventually, I walked back after buying a souvenir mask and I joined Grant for pool time.
It wasn’t long before walking on the beach was proposed and we both agreed. The beaches in Puerto Vallarta are a little lackluster. Imagine smooth sand being replaced with rocks. If you have a zero-scaped yard with rocks and ever wandered on it without shoes— it was like that even in water shoes. The pain in our feet quickly became quieter when our stomachs started growling for attention. We grabbed some Mexican food before turning in for the evening.
Anyone that has ever stayed over or has shared a room with us knows Grant and I have the most over the top requests when it comes to sleeping arrangements. The room was supposed to have two beds, but it ended up being one king and a rollaway. This is because I am a constant tosser and turner —flipping from one side to the other and Grant is the lightest sleeper known to man but also hogs the covers (and the bed..). So I volunteered to take the rollaway the first night. Not a big deal. Except when Grant has the warm comforter in the king bed...I am left with a sheet for the rollaway and he drops the AC down to 19 degrees Celsius. That equates to 66 Fahrenheit. I don’t think he was trying to freeze me to death maybe just trying to make sure we stayed cool for our morning adventure.
The next morning we woke up early and hopped in an Uber to meet at the port, where we got on a speed boat for Vallarta Outdoor Adventures. After landing at the dock, we were met by military-like transport vehicles that took us to a ranch where we rode mules up a hillside to the actual destination. These seemed like racehorse-like mules as they were extremely competitive. Whenever one of the mules tried to pass the other it would suddenly go from sleepy to thoroughbred and hightail it to keep the lead.
The tour guides hooked us up in our zip lining gear and we were off. No cameras were allowed, but a photographer did follow us around documenting our every step. This adventure park was spectacular as it was a combination of zip lines, waterfall repelling, free-fall repelling, water slides, and even a zip line rollercoaster. There were 10 people with us and we quickly bonded with the JC of Latter-Day Saints family as the English speaking cohort. We laughed as everyone traversed what seemed like a surprise after surprise adventure. The last ride should have been terrifying but we all kind of just went with it. They got out helmets and elbow pads for us to go down a water ride that seems to have been repurposed from the water park featured on Class Action Park. It was rocky, but no one died so I guess not as bad.
After everything was all said and done we ended up at the gift shop. The photographer pulled up all of our photos and we went through each one on our own computer. Grant didn’t like any of the photos, but there was one of me that I did a zip line upside down that I thought was funny. I snapped a shot with my phone, got fussed at, but saved us $100 as that’s how much they wanted for the photos. Sorry, but I don’t need to spend that much on one silly photo. Such the rule breaker I am.
We packed it up, reversed course, and headed back to the hotel. I did get to see my blue-foot boobies on the way back so I was thrilled! Grant jokes they’re the only boobies I’m interested in. At the hotel, we grabbed a quick bite, dipped our toes in the pool, and got refreshed for our next excursion.
The next excursion was Rhythm of the Night a cirque-du-soleil-esq themed show featuring local traditions and talent. The ship was packed (one of six), masks were gone, and social distancing was out the window when the ship left the port. We didn’t buy the alcohol pass but were handed drinks. Most people were double if not triple-fisting booze as the boat cruised along the coast on the way to a private resort/theater. Servers kept refilling our glasses and the ocean breeze finally cooled us down making the ride extremely enjoyable.
Upon landing, we were greeted by tiki torches and tea light candles on an ever-expansive coast. After being herded and smiling at the required photo spots, we made our way into the theater. The show started and it was fun being at a real show in almost 8 months. For those that have been to XCARET in Cancun the show was not nearly as good as that, but still a fun show. Our buffet dinner was served next and our table was right along the water dimly lit by tea light. Fortunately, last one in, first one out rules applied here so we were the first to depart. The way back we got to enjoy a dance and comedy show put on by the cruise ship crew. The bed was calling so we quickly departed and went straight to bed. By this point, we had been up and going for 17 hours (7:30 am to 12:30 am). No wonder our VIP upseller was shocked when we told her we were doing both these events in one day... yeah we felt it by the end of the night but the fun was worth the exhaustion.
Grant took the rollaway, but still somehow managed to get the heavy blanket. The next morning we ate breakfast, checked out of the hotel, and got to the airport. Our biggest fear was that our body temperatures would be too hot to get on the plane so we made sure to have the windows down all the way and cold water nearby. Our thermometer read didn’t register anything with the guard so we were allowed on the plane without any issue. If nothing else comes out of this trip— hopefully Grant will never try and justify the heat with a comment like “it’s a dry heat” and think that it makes the melting glacier that is my face any cooler.