Have you ever heard the phrase, “third time is the charm?” Since this was the third attempt at insemination we heard it quite frequently. As I sat to write this— I wondered where this notion came from. Why three and not four? After doing a Google search I came to find that the origin is relatively unknown.
There was a published letter by Elizabeth Barrett Browning in 1839 that referenced the number 3. Some believe that it has religious background with the Holy Trinity. There is even a suggestion that it was inspired by Old English. There was a law that if you survived three hangings you were released. It seems that nobody truly knows where the saying has come from and will unlikely ever know.
Just as the origin is elusive to those researching the idiom so too is the positive pregnancy test that should have been our charm.
Our previous two attempts with our surrogate were unsuccessful. Everyone involved felt horrible, but agrees to keep trying because we all wanted this to work out. We had to pause and regroup because we were out of viable male embryos. This delay was short-lived as our surrogacy agency found a new “fresh” egg donor. We had previously used frozen eggs but this time they were going to be fresh.
Everyone was set and the egg donation went off without a hitch. At least as far as I know! Twelve eggs were fertilized and after a week— only three were blastocysts. Previously, we had six so the decrease was concerning. After a few panicked “what are we doing” emails from me and a few “shut up and wait Luke” responses, the three all passed PGT testing and came back healthy. Two were healthy males and one was not, which means we have two more “bites at the proverbial apple.” The origin of this saying came from the 1922 court case McCoy v. Taylor when asking for a new trial. And no I am not that smart and knew it offhand—I had to look it up!
Zila was a saint in this entire process. She was calm, patient, and equally invested in this working out. We had a partnership and are forever grateful for her willingness to put up with us! The vagina/period/blood stuff confuses us so we just waited until the doctor said it was a go for round three. When the timing synced, Zila went in and was inseminated with one male embryo. 10 days later she was to do blood work and we would know if a baby was cooking.
She went in the morning of the 10th day and was out of LabCorp by 10:30 am. Everyone was told that in 4 or 5 hours we would have the results. When I got the message I told “Alexa, set a time for 4 hours.” I confirmed with our new coordinator Steanna and we were set. Thankfully I was working from home and was able to kill time by actually working. 2:30 rolled around slowly and I sent my first email. Steanna checked “nothing.” 3:30 rolled around and “nothing.” Steanna called to see what was the hold-up.
When Zila went to LabCorp the nurse failed to write “Stat” on the results. This means that they would essentially get to it at their leisure rather than the 4-5 hours. Ugh! Steanna was able to persuade LabCorp to rush the results at 5:30 pm so we would get the results at 9:30 pm.
We went to dinner with Lara and Tyler at Blanco all while thinking… “are we; aren’t we?” Movies are always great distractions and so seeing Don’t Worry Darling helped. When I was waiting for the results of the bar exam— we went to see Bridesmaids. I still don’t think I have seen that movie all the way through.
The movie got out at 10 pm and still no results. 10:30 pm no results. 11:00 pm no results. 11:30 pm no results. Bed. Sorta, I think I got 4 hours and was on my phone checking (also known as obsessing) the results. Grant was sound asleep so poor Ludo (dog) got the brunt of me being unable to sleep.
I went to the dog park, and grocery store…and then I heard the ding of my phone. Bad news. Negative.
We have been here before and each time your heart gets a little tougher. I made the round of calling Grant to make sure he saw, his parents, and friends, and then came home.
The weekend was shot for me, but Grant reminded me that we had a flight to San Francisco. The timing wasn’t ideal. I knew about it, it was in our schedule, and it was non-refundable, but I was indecisive if I wanted to go. Then I looked around our place and saw a stuffed T-Rex dinosaur that Grant had gotten with Ripley Oliver’s name on it and the decision was made for me. I needed to get out and SF is a very non-kid-friendly place to be.
Kate was in Europe so we had her place to ourselves. We were there for less than 24 hours, but we made the most of it. We ate at the Stinking Rose, Grant went to the Baloney show, went to the Folsom Street Fair, and ate at Tartine’s Bakery. I only had one meltdown when we realized Grant had somehow canceled his return flight home. After I let out my frustration, which was not about the flight mistake— I apologized and we made up quickly.
A quick escape and now back to reality. I am writing this on the plane back now and I am sitting next to the only baby. She is 4 months old and is the cutest thing — even though she is screaming right in my ear.
It didn’t work out this time, but it doesn’t mean that it won’t. The one saying that seems most appropriate after this experience is “if at first, you don’t succeed try, try and try again.” (Robert the Bruce, King of Scotland in 1314). But I think these two quotes from The Light in the Heart by Roy T. Bennett seem more apt:
“Great things happen to those who don't stop believing, trying, learning, and being grateful.”
“The one who falls and gets up is stronger than the one who never tried. Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.”