“Señor Luke Martin…Señor Luke Martin…will you please come to the terminal gate. Señor Luke Martin please come to Gate 4.” When you hear this— you are in trouble!
Both Grant and I took Friday off. Friday was going to be a travel day and Saturday, Sunday, and 1/2 Day of Monday were going to be fun in Antigua, Guatemala. We had hotel, transportation, tours, reservations— you name it we had it ready to go for this trip. Besides Mexico, this would have been our first trip out of the US in nearly two years. I was more pumped about this trip than any other we have had in a while. Something different!
Friday— we got up. We were packed. I had immigration forms, CBX passes, boarding passes— all ready to go. The irony is I was telling Grant how prepared I felt for this trip. It was a lot of work setting up, but I was ready. Fast forward two hours and I was so wrong.
As the plane was about to board I heard the announcement “Señor Luke Martin…” and I began to have a flashback to my senior year in high school with my Spanish teacher Mrs. Vicky who tormented me in High School by calling me, Senior Luke. Without knowing the chaos that was about to happen— I unknowingly went up to the non-English speaking attendant with a stupid smile on my face. Maybe they are going to upgrade us I thought— nope.
We need your passport, your vaccination record, and your negative Covid test. My what? No, I am fully vaccinated…COVID is over…I looked into traveling to Guatemala and it said either vaccine or COVID-19 test. Why would I be given a boarding pass if I didn’t meet the qualifications? There must be something wrong with the translation. Yes— mine. I read it wrong. All the planning, the hotel, the tours, the transportation— gone in an instant. We were told that we could get on a different flight tomorrow that would arrive at 9:00pm. AGH.
A flood of emotion came over me, but I am one stubborn person. Tell me I can’t do something and I’ll prove you wrong each and every time. You say “no way I am making it to Guatemala tonight—I’ll show you.” First thing— get out of Mexico. As we are walking towards the CBX both Grant and I are ferociously typing away at our keyboards looking for alternatives. It’s 11am and we are in Tijuana. We find a flight that leaves San Diego at 1:45pm. That gives us 2 hours and 45 minutes to get out of Mexico, find a place to get us a COVID test, and then make it to the airport. Oh…and somehow convince them to let us on the plane considering we have not submitted any of the documentation we needed 72 hours in advance.
We get out of Mexico. As we speed walk to our car I buy the tickets. We find a place that can give us an Antigen test and the results within 15 minutes. We drive 30 minutes from the border crossing to the testing site. I could have been a race car driver in another life. I am very fortunate I didn’t get a speeding ticket. We get to the testing site, test negative, high-tail it to the airport, we talk with the nice ladies at the counter who let us in, and we are there for our first flight from San Diego to Houston. Delayed. Of course. The good news is that we were able to text with our surrogate who told us that her blood work had come back positive. If everything else goes well we will have our first attempt at insemination on March 29th. This put things into perspective and made this journey even sweeter.
Eventually, we boarded. The problem is that the layover in Houston to Guatemala City was only 55 minutes. We are about 30 minutes late and so panic is setting in. We taxi and then stop on the tarmac right before we get to the gate. Gate change. Come on! Eventually, we get off the plane and run to the next gate. We landed in E16 and our next flight was in C41 an estimated 18-minute walk. It was far. Grant and I moved and made it. Our original flight was to get in on Friday at 9:00pm. Our new flight is getting us in on Friday at 10:30pm. Success. We did it.
Upon landing, we were greeted by several flight agents who wanted to see our passport, COVID vaccine, and proof of negative test. Customs wasn’t bad and we quickly met our driver who took us to the airport. Starving we politely asked the driver to take us to a good restaurant. Something must have been mixed up in the translation because we ended up eating at McDonald's for dinner. Hey…food is food and we chowed down on it. I thought I ordered chicken tender, but when I bit into it with my front teeth and hit bone— I realized I hadn’t.
After an hour of driving, we arrived at the cobblestone streets of Antigua. In the pictures, they are gorgeous. Driving on the streets in Antigua felt like you had a flat tire. The car shook back and forth due to the unevenness of the surface. Nothing can really be seen in Antigua because it is all blocked by large gates and beautifully carved doors. Eventually, we made it to our hotel— Posada De Angel. Even at night, it was gorgeous. Tea lights filled the entranceway as we made our way to one of the six rooms in the hotel. There is no electronic key card here only real keys. We settled into our room quickly and Grant’s aunt Kate came over. She and Russ had joined us for the festivities and we were happy to have them. Kate, an insomniac, was still up even in the wee hours of the night. After our chat, we hit the pillow and were out.
Travel Luke reared his inquisitive head when at 5:30am (3:30am California time)— he was wide awake. The staff didn’t arrive until 7am so he was left to wander around the ground trying not to get in trouble. At 7am, I greeted the staff who were shocked to find me waiting for them. Probably not the best way to start your job with an annoying customer waiting for you before even getting settled in. I confirmed the tour and began wandering around. Antigua doesn’t open until 9am so leaving at 7:15am was amazing because I was able to see it by myself without the crowds. I found churches, water fountains, ruins, and even the famous arch that comes up whenever you google Antigua. The best part was that I found a store called Nim Pot that sold my staple souvenir — a mask.
I didn’t realize, but Posada Del Angel is really more of a bed-and-breakfast than a standard hotel. When Grant woke up we had a delicious breakfast— huevos ranchero and omelet. If you are going to serve only two things then those have to be the best two things. I have to say— probably the best thing I ate all weekend was this breakfast!
Although we tried, we couldn’t convince Kate and Russ to join us on our first tour— Pacaya Volcano. An hour and some change outside of Antigua, this active volcano seemed daunting and we were excited about the challenge. I had read somewhere that they offer you two things outside of the start of the tour— a walking stick and a horse ride. The stick is fine. The horse— Nah I wanted to do this ourselves. Of course, the “steepest” part was in the very beginning as we began ascending and of course, the horses followed us up to this point. A bit winded from the straight-up hike we were guilted into the horses. The guide even tried to make us get him one. Not a fan of this one bit. We got three horses for 300 quetzals. I say the exchange rate is 1 US Dollar to 8 Quetzals. Kate thinks it's less and Grant— he just chose 10 because it is easier.
Now even though we were a bit annoyed purchasing the horses as we kept going up, and up, and up— our annoyance turned to relief. Do I think we could have done the hike up without the horses? Yes, absolutely. It was a 1.5+ hour tour straight up. Would we have had to take multiple breaks? Sure, but we could have done it. Are we glad we didn’t? Hell yes! We made it to the top and the horse let out a noise of accomplishment. Thank you horse! The guide started to tell us that we weren’t technically going to the top of Pacaya because it had recently erupted. However, we were already at the top of a different volcano and in fact in the collapsed crater. Cool— so I am walking inside a volcano right now. We snapped a few photos and then went down the lava rock-filled path where we got to a makeshift furnace. The furnace was literally heated by the volcano itself and the tour guide pulled out marshmallows for us to roast.
It became kind of clear that we may have been in a bit better shape than our tour guide. We had to climb a bit to get out of the crater and he was panting. We told him that we would take the horses up, but we were hiking down at the very least. He kept stopping at random times to “check on us” and we kept telling him “let’s go.” I was getting annoyed because I wanted to pass him, but couldn’t cause I didn’t know the path. We made it back down and said our goodbyes. The next stop was the geothermal spa called Santa Teresita at the bottom of the volcano. Here there were several pools all at different temperatures that you were able to lounge. It wasn’t long before we were out of time and returned to the hotel to meet up with Russ and Kate for dinner.
Dinner was at Meson Panza Verde. One of our drivers said it means green belly. My ineptitude for Spanish was on full display on this trip, but luckily Kate was fluent enough to help translate everything. My food was good, but Grant seemed extremely happy about his steak. He loved it. Afterward, we strolled the grounds and rooftop to see what going on. We even crashed a “few” rose petals-filled dinners taking place upstairs. After a quick walk back to the hotel the day had worn us out so we attempted to call it a night. Instead, I showed Grant a few scenes from the awful new Jennifer Lopez movie “Marry Me” that I watched on the plane. We had seen the trailer for the movie a million and a half times and so I had to see it. The great news was the song “marry me, marry me, marry me” was now replaced by “church, church, church”… as the song that gets stuck in your head the most. If you see the movie you’ll get this point. We got to the point where the characters hit a rough patch and we turned it off.
I promised Grant that Travel Luke would not rear his head again this next morning, but he may have shown up. The funny thing was the Travel Grant made a rare appearance for my birthday and got up early as well. I took him around to see the highlight such as the arch so he could at least see some of Antigua. Upon our return, we met up with Russ and Kate who were finishing breakfast. Kate said she wanted to see the surrounding villages so we found a tour for all four of us to take.
We stopped at a few churches, laundry stations where the town washes their clothes (I.e. gossips), and then to a wine and chocolate tasting. The wine was sweet and fruity, but we had no way of bringing any of that back. Next, was the chocolate tour where they told us how they make chocolate by hand. A very labor-intensive process for sure. Now chocolate—we can find a way to bring that back no problem! After playing Goldie-locks with the chocolate— too sweet, not sweet enough, —we each found the right chocolate for ourselves.
Both Kate and I wanted to see a religious procession that was supposed to take place while there. However, we kept being told that it was canceled and not happening because of COVID. To our shock, as we passed a church we saw some sort of procession taking place. Kate nearly jumped out of the car right then and there and ran over to it. The driver pulled over and let us out. The driver warned us that we couldn’t stay long otherwise we would get stuck behind it and would be there for a while. It was interesting to see, but as someone who is not “that religious” I really didn’t understand the entire significance. Kate seemed to appreciate it and found some souvenirs herself that she planned on bringing back for her Easter celebration.
We made it out just in time. The next stop was a textile factory where the local women craft intricate designs by hand. Grant picked up a few things here for friends and colleagues. Our final stop was a macadamia farm. It’s my favorite nut, but also one that makes me constipated so I have to be careful with how many I ingest. We saw how they process the nuts and also got to sample a few. The one thing that I was not expecting was a “macadamia nut facial.” One after another we all got a “refresher” of macadamia oil and moisturizer put on our face. Not a surprise we picked up a few things here. The tour ended back at the place it started, which was our hotel.
On Sunday we booked back-to-back tours. I wanted to do the volcano, Kate the village, and Grant wanted to do ATVs. After an hour of rest, we said goodbye to Russ and Kate, Grant and myself hopped in a van to go exploring on ATVs. Now the group that was with us was a bit interesting. They were from Costa Rica and had been drinking before, during the ATV tour, and most likely after. Kate spoke up and we were able to separate ourselves from them. So we had a sorta private tour. Now, the ATVs themselves were kind of pieces of crap. They stalled constantly, which in Antigua is terrifying.
Here is the scene. 8 ATVs are going down a very congested street with cars, tuk-tuks, motorcyclists. I am car 8 and the “guides” are in front of me. The street is one lane only. So the cars are piling up behind us because we are slower. Going, going, going, break, stop…stall. Let’s start it up. Nope. Start it up again. Nope. Crap. HONK. HONK. HONK. Cars are piling up. Gas + ignition….nope. HONK! Gas + ignition…nope. HONK! HONK! HONK! The third time is a charm—YES, it starts. We make it to our first stop and the tour guide says that the ATVs are not warm yet. Yeah, that was the excuse they gave everyone when their ATV stalled. A lookout of the city and then back on the ATVs. Next stop— Hobbit Tenango.
Truthfully, I am still not sure what this was. A Hobbit-like amusement park built on a hillside. Extremely, weird. As the only one that was mildly entertained, I snapped a few photos by myself. Most of the attractions had lines that limited our ability to do any of them. There were Hobbit houses, swings, and even a random hand that extended out for photos. We grabbed an alcohol-laced hot chocolate before being ushered out. The escorting out was probably more memorable than anything. For some reason, our driver took us out the exit where there were hordes of people waiting in line to catch a bus. He began cutting in front of all of these people and expected us to follow. We fell behind so while they were annoyed with him cutting they were pissed at us. Whenever I do something obnoxious I always say “Excuzi.” Why? Don’t know. It’s my go-to panic word in uncomfortable situations. I may have leaned into it a bit too much and kept saying it. It didn’t help. We left, attempted to go to the restaurant that was down the road, but it was closed. Not the most organized of tours.
We road the ATVs back at night and ended close to the main arch. We went back and forth on a restaurant before picking the restaurant at Hotel Posada Del Rodrigo. We shared some traditional tipico food including pepian de pollo (chicken stew). Exhausted from both tours, we walked back and went to bed.
Monday morning we woke up for our group's COVID testing. The test cost $50 and was literally the same test that I take at home. After it came back negative we were given a signed computer printout that was already prepared. Kate and Russ had an earlier flight so we said our goodbyes and parted ways. Since our flight wasn’t until midday, Grant and I wandered around the streets one last time. With it being very warm, Grant jumped into the freezing pool at the hotel to cool off. We cleaned off and our taxi cab was ready to take us to the airport. The driver was the same one that picked us up from the airport. Very nice guy. We didn’t talk much because as we were halfway to the airport I get a buzz on my phone— flight canceled! CRAP!
There is a number to call and so I call. They were useless and said that the flight had not been impacted. Huh? I called again— it’s fine. I do a bit of searching based on the plane numbers and find out that our flight out of Guatemala was running three hours late and we wouldn’t make our connecting flight. Tip— use Flightaware.com to see the status of your flight. It tells you where the plane is and you can see how far delayed the plane actually is. This information was more up-to-date than the entire Volaris system. It turns out that I knew more about the flights than the crew. Useless.
We eventually got everything straightened out. Spent about 7 hours at the airport and made it from Guatemala City to Mexico City. Went through customs and then found out that our next flight had been delayed by an hour. Mexico City does this strange thing where they don’t assign you a gate until the last minute. They put you in a holding pen and then when the gate is assigned there is a mad rush to that specific gate.
Dinner was needed by this point and the best choice for my birthday dinner— Chilis. 15 years ago Grant took me there in Denton and 15 years later we relived that same dinner in Mexico City. [We are for sure correcting this later this week!]
Boarded and left at midnight. Got into Tijuana, had to take an Uber to San Diego airport because that is where our car was parked with the new flight and drove home. Cleaned up and lights out at 3:30am. 6 hours late, but we made it home in one piece. Grant is going to hate this, but I am a firm believer that practice makes perfect. I may have agreed during both flight debacles that I will never travel internationally during COVID…it’s the worst…blah blah blah. However, I think practice makes perfect. If Guatemala taught me anything it’s that I am a little out of practice, but I still am sharp enough to figure it out. I just need to keep practicing to get better!
Final Random Thought: Antigua is expensive. Like USA prices. Food, entertainment, souvenirs, etc were all more expensive than you would imagine for a country like Guatemala. $30 for a steak and $100 for a tour expensive. Keep that in mind if you have any interest in going.